Acting Pro Se is Such a Pain
Recently, my husband and I have been diverting our regular debt payments to savings to take care of some potential foundation problems. The longer the money sits there, however, the more ideas we have for things we “need” to spend money on.
Here’s one example:
My husband’s ex-wife, who used to have joint physical and legal custody of their son, decided in July 2006 that she was going to move across town and concentrate more fully on her education by limiting her visits to every other weekend. Basically, my husband would have full physical custody and she would return the child support money he sends to the state every month. But of course, she didn’t want to make any legal changes (welfare fraud, anyone?).
My husband told her that the change would have to be legal, or no deal. Fine, she said.
Nearly two years later, we still haven’t hired a lawyer because the estimates we’ve gotten say it’s going to run about $1500-$1800, and we’ve been unable to figure out how to do what should be a simple process ourselves.
As far as we can tell from the hours and hours we’ve spent researching the situation, my husband needs to file a motion to modify the divorce decree and submit a new parenting plan (which has already been written and approved by the ex). However, no one can seem to tell us how to actually go about filing all the necessary paperwork. Ask a court clerk, and they all say, “I’m sorry, but we’re not allowed to dispense legal advice.” JFC, if administrative help constitutes legal advice, then give me a freaking law degree!
We’ve visited the law library, bought books from Nolo and checked the city and state courts websites. Most of the pro se information available focuses on defending yourself in criminal court, and the rest reads like a bunch of conflicting goo with no instructions for the actual filing process.
Clearly, we need to get this taken care of in one way or another eventually, because we are in a constant cycle of paying $350 and not being paid back until the next $350 is due (and sometimes after a second $350 has been paid). But more importantly, we are taking the risk that she won’t change her mind and pretend like this informal arrangement never occured.
I was an honors pre-law student in college, so it’s not like I’m a complete idiot (although I’m starting to feel like one…). You’d think our court system would be able to give people better advice than “consult a lawyer.” What gives?
Photo Credit: Library visitor by umjanedoan, used under Creative Commons licensing
4 responses so far
I have no real idea how the laws work on it, but I would suspect for now you should at least write out the agreement and have the ex sign the statement that lays it out. At least that way, you’ve got a paper trail on your side! That said, her payments to you each month (or about that…) of the $350 would also be a good part of establishing the pro tem arrangement you’ve had, if you were ever called upon to prove it. As for a permanent change, I haven’t the foggiest!
That’s a good idea to have both parties sign the agreements, even if we’re not sure how to officially file it yet. By sending the child support payments to the state each month, she can’t come back and say we owe her back child support, and we could get copies of her cancelled checks and such if we had to. I suppose with the signed agreement, the issue wouldn’t seem so urgent.
Which state do you live in? Have you contacted your local child support enforcement office and asked if they can open a case and help you change the support order to reflect the actual custody schedule? If you haven’t, it may be worth a shot - you can find links to offices on your state via this page:
http://www.themodernwomansdivorceguide.com/states/
AND, have you spoken to a Bar Association Referral Service lawyer to ask what you need to do? They usually only charge about $35 for a one-hour consultation and should be able to give you a general idea of what you need to file and where to find it.
AND, while doing your legal research, have you looked in any Family Law manuals that are written for new lawyers to use? They usually break down processes and include sample forms that may help.
Good luck.
I think my husband might have contacted the child support office and they said there needed to be a court order in place…but it’s probably worth calling them again to see what help they can give. Always seems they are more interested in collecting child support, especially because the ex was on state assistance at the time.
We haven’t done the other things, though - this is awesome, thanks!